i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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