I accidentally had phone sex last night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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