yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
