The maid of honor just puked.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
