Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
