woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
