I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
