my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Randomize
