i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
