The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
