So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
