Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
