i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want to fling myself into the sun
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