the condom got lost in my hair
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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