im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
