i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize