We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
