Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
