Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
