My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize