I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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