I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
