wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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