"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
