I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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