so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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