I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
