...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
