I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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