This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You were trust falling into bushes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
