you would pick up someone in the library
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize