have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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