Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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