i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
