and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
