You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
