And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
