..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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