Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
