well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
