Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
