Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There's always time for handjobs
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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