This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
