so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
