I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Please don't give away my fajitas
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
