At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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