I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
