I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
