Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I just put wine in my tea
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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