what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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