He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
