are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Even my vagina gasped.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
