I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Randomize
