in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
