every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
