you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize