i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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