At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize