Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.

(416): View more from Ontario

Got yourself a keeper right there.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.

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(707): View more from California

just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.

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(512): View more from Texas

Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

... I threw up in the shower this morning

(406): View more from Montana

You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.

(307): View more from Wyoming

I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself

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