Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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