I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize