splinters make it hard to masturbate
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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