Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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