Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
